Another mediocre end to my night, drowning my generally low feelings with hard liquor and root beer… Tomorrow’s another day.2 notes
God I love this time of year.
Faction showed up as one of the usuals on my Pandora station on the way to work so naturally it’s been stuck in my head.
Whoever left you is an idiot because you're gorgeous and you seem like you would be a very nice person
Thank you for the kind words dear Anon. This was almost a year and a half ago so I’m pretty much past it by this point. I’m as nice as one can be who treats others as he’d want to be treated.
Well, I finally made it to a year of sporting a beard. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t start, partly, as a breakup beard. Then it just grew on me (no pun intended). I’d feel pretty naked without it now. Here’s to a lifelong beard.
Today went from a more okay day to being hit full on with depression. One of the more worse waves that’s washed over me. I write this in an attempt to get out a lot of emotion that has resided within me over the recent weeks. I feel if I don’t then the pain, the ache, the tight feeling I get in my chest and heart will just be too much. So here goes…
Today I say my goodbye, the final one. There’s so much I tried to handle, so much I attempted to keep both feet in with but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of this, this feeling of fear, of uncertainty, of hurt, of pain. I tire of waking up each day and putting on this mask, this facade that I am okay. I go through each day feeling as though I’m drowning but in no water which would warrant that. To my family, I have loved you as much as anyone could possible do so. I wish I had been better with sharing what bothered me, with sharing what was wrong. I tried, I really did. Please don’t think less of me for this. When Grandpa went through Alzheimer’s, it was so tough to see him suffer. It was a relief that he didn’t have to anymore when he finally passed away, as sad as we all felt at the time. To the friends I knew growing up, who have stuck with me, the few that still do. You guys have looked out for me as much as I did you. When I had to move away I felt so awful that I was putting myself 5 hours away from people I had known most of my life. To go from that, to speaking through a screen to you, it’s still something that I have trouble adjusting and coping with. I have a small fear that I’ll never have you guys as friends anymore. I’m sorry that my time with you is cut so short but I appreciate you guys beyond comprehension. Lookout for each other just as you have done. To the one who I befriended because of Tumblr and an endless love of a music genre, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I’ve left you this way. I’m sorry about what you’ve been going through lately. I tried so hard to show how much I understood, and be as supportive and as much a friend as I could ever be. I still can’t believe anybody wanted to stick by me for three years and care as much as you do. I didn’t realize how much my feelings for you were until the first time I experienced the State Fair with you. I have been crazy about you since the moment you responded back to my first ask on this site. I never pictured in my wildest dreams that someone as wonderful as you would kiss somebody like me on August 9th. I had daydreamed about that moment being able to be true for so long, but never expected it would be reality. It has tormented me everyday since. I see it in my dreams, my thoughts, and it hurts knowing how far I am from you, even moreso now. I love you so much and I’ve been so afraid that if I said it, I would scare you away from me, but I say it now as confident as I can be at the end. This goodbye isn’t so permanent. Know this, I’ll be with you always in heart and mind… I’ll end this the way I entered it, smiling on the outside, hurting (no longer so) on the inside.
That was somewhat hard for me to write. I’m fighting back many a tear, but hopefully this releases some of the ache within me. Please don’t take what I just wrote as happening, I promise you, Tumblr folk, I have no intention of leaving this world so shortly. It would be quite unfair to the people I have had the privilege of having in life.3 notes